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“I’m a Windsor…. Don’t you know?”

Ever found yourself breaking bread with someone who seemed to have ticked all the boxes in the first couple of casual meetings, but on the first date, managed to convince you they possibly lived in an alternate universe to everyone else?

This is a awkward yet comic dating story as I search for my Prince Charming, Superman, Shrek and Chippendale Dancer all wrapped up into one.

A couple of years back a friend introduced me to a guy she worked with, he was a tall, dark and handsome lad who had a good job and drove a cool car, he seemed educated, intelligent and was well traveled, he basically ticked all the boxes.  Several group hangs later, I accepted a real date with him, just the two of us. I won’t lie….. I was rather interested to get to know this fella, even just to hear more about some of the amazing places he’d travelled to.

I later dubbed this guy CrayCray, (you’ll soon know why, so hang in there OK)! He suggested a dinner date, I went to some trouble getting ready, hoping the night was going to be fun.  He picked me up and drove to a fancy restaurant, he was quite the gentleman through the seating and ordering process, everything was going great!

Just as the mains arrived, he announced that he had some concerns with dating me. A little taken back, but being a fair-minded gal I said, ‘Let’s hear them then’. He answers, ‘Well…. Just say we were having dinner with the Prime Minister and….’  I had to interrupt to ask ‘Why are we having dinner with the PM again?’. I wasn’t sure if this was a fun game or a hoop I was to jump through? I mean, I do work at the Press Club and have often sat in the same room eating the same meal as Prime Ministers past and present, even a President and a couple of World Leaders too, but….. I’d never actually sat at the same table as the PM, so it seemed pertinent to clarify before moving on.

Bob Hawke & John Howard

Weird though it was, I was up for the challenge of playing that dating games of “lets pretend”, but nothing prepared me for the ‘I am a descendant of royalty’, he says.  Again, I required clarification, attempting to burrow down the rabbit hole he seemed to be leading this conversation. ‘Aaahh, how many descends ago were your family royal?’ I ask, only to be met by a rather steely silence.  Suddenly I knew, we were not playing a fun game, this dude was serious!!!

Moving along…. he says, ‘I’d be concerned you wouldn’t know how to behave at VIP dinners and formal occasions or whether you’d be confident using the right knife and fork for the right course’. #WTBleeeeeeep I sat there shaking my head, absolutely gobsmacked.

One Big Cock Cabernet Merlot – It’s a wine you filthy minded peeps!

I’m not sure if my table manners passed the test that evening, or if I managed to keep my astonished jaw dropping expression firmly in a polite lady like position either, because the topics of the very one sided conversation went from sublime to the ridiculous and then some.  I particularly loved the long involved story he told of being abducted by Pirates in Burma, being stranded in Nepal after a landslide, and I’m pretty sure there was something in there about being struck by lightning too.

Suffice to say there were no second date with this Frog, but I have to admit I’ve had many a laugh since, so it was totally worth it.  I reckon he’d read too many action packed Wilbur Smith novels as a kid.

I give CrayCray

I’d love to know, which royal tickles your fancy? And have you ever dated an epic storyteller or someone who thought rather highly of themselves? 

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